Thursday, January 17, 2008

What Is the Mark of a Good Friend?

this is one question I have been pondering for quite some time..

I have a clique of 4 really close friends - 4 of us do everything together - have dinner, share boyfriend tales - hell we even have a boyfriend approval system. However, there are definitely times when arguments and disagreements arise regarding certain issues and it certainly spoils our camaraderie for a while.

For instance:
One of my girlfriend loves to go out with bad boys. She knows she will get hurt ultimately, but she cannot help falling for him. One of my other friend will be very angry at her and resort to not talking to her because she cares too much for her to see her get hurt.

Another of my friend holds this mentality: I do not care what you do, I just want you to be happy. If you get hurt, I will be there for you to pick you up.

Both have great intentions, but both have different ways of expressing their care & concern.

This makes me wonder: What is the mark of a good friend?

How should a good or even best friend act? On one hand, it is good to stop a friend you care about if you know she is going to do something stupid and silly. But if she refuses to listen and chooses to go with her feeling, should we then get angry with her because she did not listen? Should we give ultimatums like "If you do this, I'm not going to be friends with you?"

I think we all have to work on maintaining a long and strong friendship. No one is absolutely correct. Thus, if we allow small conflicts to weaken the friendship, we have to continuously make new friends because we break off ties with our old ones! Compromise & empathy - could just be the way to a great friendship. Compromise when views and ideals clash, empathise and put yourself in another's shoes to try to understand her point of view. Many a times when we let anger get the better of ourselves, friendships get ruined.

Another thing: Once you have promised your friend something, honour it. This is the basis of a strong friendship - knowing that you can always rely on a friend.

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Why Vent Your Anger On Your Child?

yesterday i witness a disturbing incident on the train home from work.

it was a crowded train as usual, with the influx of people coming in from Raffles Place and Tanjong Pagar. Well, besides it being crowded there was a LOUD cry from a young girl - approx 1 year old. she was sitting down and crying for attention from her mum.

to my utmost surprise and disgust, the lil girl's mum started slapping her. it was not a light slap, it was a loud and forceful sweep across her face! I was totally taken aback. How can she do that to her own child? And of course that slap did not stop her crying, it aggravated. she cried even louder. What was the mum's reaction? Another hard forceful slap.

shortly after, the mum had a seat beside the lil girl. the girl's incessant cries drove looks from commuters. When i got off at my stop, i witnessed this last horrifying act - the mum actually pushed the lil girl off her seat onto the train floor.

This got me thinking: Why vent your anger on your child?

Looking at the mum's point of view - she's young and probably did not plan this birth. As a result, she's faced with a high level of stress having to take care of this child. She probably feels angry with her child as well - for robbing her of her freedom and her youth.

However, to view it in another pespective: If you have decided to give birth to your child, you have made a decision to take unconditional care of her. I believe unconditional care does not equate to hitting your child in public.

It feels my heart with sadness when I see such happenings - a child not born of love will not be treated with love at all. It makes me resolute: If I can't afford to provide my child with love and care, I will not succumb myself to such situations when I might be forced to.

Monday, January 14, 2008

Being Kind-Hearted - Good or Bad?

I have always stuck by this principle: help others as much as you can - as long as you can. Thus, many a times when people ask me for help - i make sure i do whatever I can. This applies in all aspects of my life - towards my friends, family as well as colleagues.

however, there are many times when I have helped others, and in times of need when i turn to these people, they have shunned away from me. Or, when i have helped them when they are in dire straits and after that they do not seem to appreciate and begin to hurt you in ways like backstabbing etcetc. these instances always make me feel hurt and sad.

It makes me ponder sometimes: Whats the point of helping when we always seem to be at the losing end?

Many people have advised: Life's like that - do not expect anything in return. People will make use of you as long as they can, thus the best way out is to not help anyone at all. Or - Help only if it benefits me.

Isnt helpfulness a virtue? When has it became a weakness? I was reading a fengsuhi article one day and it was talking about prosperity and wealth. It mentioned: " To receive prosperity and wealth, you have to give. Only when you give will wealth and prosperity come to you"

I attended church last Sunday and my pastor spoke: How many a times do we encounter a sick friend and only wish them well wishes, when we can offer more? We could have helped by buying food, giving them strepsils if he's having a sore throat etc etc. Yes, sincere well wishes are comforting, but they do nothing to soothe the pain our sick friend is facing.

Ultimately, we have ourselves to answer to. Yes we may get cheated, yes we may be made use of, but at the end of the day we can at least tell ourselves " Hey, I've done the best I can "

Do share your opinions by commenting. Hear from you soon!

Sunday, January 13, 2008

Sharing your Woes VS bitching

This is what's happening: I am in charge of marketing, yet there is very little budget for me to play around with. As such - my product remains relatively low-key. When I confide about it with my colleagues, and my boss happens to hear about it - I am considered having bitched about the company, and having spread negativity around. When my colleague shares with me her side of problems and I relate my own experiences to her, we are considered to have bitched about the company.

So - How do we draw a fine line between sharing your woes and problems and bitching?

Here's what I feel:

Sharing your woes - To speak with sincerity and truth about the problems one face, and in the midst of sharing to get positive advice and even maybe some comfort. Sharing your woes however will definitely have negative mentions about something or somebody - be it your unproductive work or your demanding boss. Usually you only speak about it to colleagues you trust.

Bitching - To speak negatively about a certain subject to many people in the company, and there may not be truth in the words. Bitching comes with an "evil intention" - be it to sow discord between 2 persons, to spread negativity in the company or otherwise.

How do you then get out of a situation whereby your boss blames you for having bitched about the company and demoralized the team?

In my situation, I put it across very directly to my boss that I did not bitch about the company in any way, and that my colleague and I were merely sharing our problems. If he chooses to believe that I am still in the wrong, so be it. There is nothing much I can do about it. A good boss should devise a way to help his staff out and get to the root of the problem. Only then will the "bitching" stop, isn't it?

If you have been through such situations and handled them effectively, do share by commenting on this post. Hope to hear from you soon. :)

Saturday, January 12, 2008

Introduction - Think. Learn. Grow

I've set up this blog in view of my latest experiences I have encountered - some confusing, others are filled with sadness and hurt. I needed someplace to pen my thoughts, thus the birth of this blog.

what the title of this blog means:

think - my thoughts on various issues which I will be starting to post on a daily bases (hopefully)

learn - to establish a co-learning relationship between myself and readers - I hope by me as well as other people reading this blog share their personal experiences, we can all learn from one another in the midst of sharing.

grow - to put into practice what one has learnt, and to grow to better ourselves in whichever way imaginable.